As I started to consider the role expectations have on my life, I started to appreciate how maintaining expectations is actually quite a delicate balancing act. As they occur in every facet of our lives- friendships, relationships, parenthood, careers, achievements, finances etc. the complexity of this balancing act became apparent.
As I started to look over quotes regarding expectations, most stated that expectations were the cause of all unhappiness and failures and once you release yourself from them, you are free to live a joyful life. Is this really the case? I have definitely experienced and witnessed the negative impact of expectations that haven't been fulfilled. But have also experienced the positive rewards of expecting success and happiness.
Motherhood has been an area of life that has showed up many idealistic expectations. It was always amusing to me when childless friends spoke of how they couldn't wait to have a baby and stop working in jobs that they didn't particularly enjoy so they could go on maternity leave and go for strolls with their babies to coffee shops. I would sit there and think.... If only they knew! If only babies could be trained to feed, poo and sit quietly when appropriate. The expectations of what motherhood and children entailed couldn't have been farther from the truth.
But unfortunately it is these idealistic expectations of parenthood that drive people crazy. One thing I have learnt about being a mother is that children are unpredictable and what you do with one child doesn't always work with the next. There are no hard and fast rules about what is right and wrong.
So why do people enter the world of parenthood with such ridiculous expectations? Why do people believe that if they 'do this' or 'do that' as according to some bogus baby book that it will create a perfect baby that eats, sleeps and does as it's told when it's told! I believe a big reason is due to the ridiculous amount of 'research' that we have access to at the touch of a button that clouds our judgement and instincts. Expectations are also warped as a result of social media. People portray their lives in a certain way and everyone else thinks they are getting 'the full picture'. But the full picture is this.... a baby cries, laughs, sleeps, stays awake, poo's or doesn't poo, gets sick, grows at unbelievable rates and when they finally learn to talk will say 'no' to everything you say! What they do from one day to the next is constantly changing. They are not predictable. This is what you should expect from parenthood.
Expectations can also have a detrimental impact on both relationships and friendships. Expecting that they will be perfect and without complication can create a huge amount of pressure and anxiety. As well as the expectations we place on the relationship, there are the expectations we place on other people or what they can place on us. Unfortunately, these expectations are very rarely met which can lead to a great deal of disappointment, frustration and 'heartache' as Shakespeare stated!
But in reality, if you dig deep under the surface, most people have fears, hopes, insecurities and pressures and what you do start to realise is that people portray only a very thin surface layer. Therefore, building your own expectations based on this outer layer from what other people portray as being 'ideal', is simply foolish.
But without expectations how do we strive for something better? As a person who strongly believes in the power of setting goals, having the expectation that I am going to achieve them is what I believe to be the key ingredient. However, setting expectations high enough that will challenge you to grow and reach amazing heights, whilst keeping it in the realm of what is realistic so that you can expect it to happen, is the true challenge. It is this balancing act that can prove to be difficult. The right expectations can help you to achieve amazing things whilst the wrong expectations can negatively impact the way we experience people and the world.
Expect that you will make mistakes, that you will have your up days and your down days- But most of all, expect that all you can be is yourself- including the good, the bad and the ugly! Not everyone will like it, and that's ok. Not everyone will understand it, but that's ok. Don't build your expectations based on what others expect of you or the role you think you should be playing based due to the expectations of others. Let expectations enrich your life and empower you to be a stronger and more authentic you.
Another friend also posted this great little quote from Dr. Seuss:
Start off by expecting that you are going to celebrate this fact- don't ever apologise for being you!
Have a fabulous weekend :)
Tara
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